|
Post by K-Box on Sept 25, 2008 5:16:33 GMT -8
Ah, pornography ... I was wondering when you would finally weigh in on this election: "Governor Karen Kougar has just been selected by a presidential nominee to run along side him as his vice president. She has been an it girl all her life and she is very excited to be the center of attention on the worlds biggest stage. Problem is, she doesn't know too much about macro-economics and foreign policy and tomorrow she has to deliver her first unscripted speech. Luckily she has a bright assistant who her party has hired to tutor her on all the important buzz words and terminology that she will need in order to look and seem like she knows what she's talking about even though she doesn't. They aren't half way through their tutoring session before she's sucking on his big cock and he's got her bent over and screaming 'drill baby drill' ..." National Pornographic Presents: Cougars in Heat - Karen Kougar in "Drill Baby Drill" (there's a second free-site here, which shows how deeply awareness of Palin's lies about the "Bridge to Nowhere" has permeated the public consciousness) If you have to ask whether those links are safe for work or not, then you're a fucking idiot who deserves to get fired from your job.
|
|
|
Post by Anders on Sept 25, 2008 6:06:59 GMT -8
Yeah, I'm not going to follow those links from here, but I appreciate the hilarious copy.
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Sept 25, 2008 6:17:08 GMT -8
Yeah, I'm not going to follow those links from here, but I appreciate the hilarious copy. Porn knows what's up.
|
|
|
Post by jarddavis on Sept 26, 2008 8:55:29 GMT -8
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
A few weeks back, my soon to be 17 year old daughter was warning me about the dangers of Porn on the middle channels for comcast Cable here in Colorado.
The expression of shock when I told her that yes, I had, once upon a time, when I wore a younger man's clothing, had indeed watched teh dreaded porn made her shriek "Jard!"
She hates Sarah Palin with a passion. She'll get quite the kick out of this story.
|
|
|
Post by hhbx on Sept 29, 2008 21:16:46 GMT -8
The name Karen Kougar in itself made me laugh.
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Oct 1, 2008 1:20:58 GMT -8
Sarah Palin gets painted in full, and nothing's conservative about itThere's been no shortage of takeoffs on Sarah Palin lately, from television skits to action figures, but Bruce Elliott has gone one step further than most. He's taken off her clothes. Elliott, whose wife, Tobin Mitchen, owns the Old Town Ale House on Chicago's North Side, painted a nude portrait of the Republican vice presidential nominee and hung it above the bar, where it's now a prime attraction among his display of more than 200 celebrity portraits and other racy art. Palin became Elliott's muse after he saw her on TV. "I've been following her religiously," he said Monday at the bar. "I had never heard of her before, like everyone else. I find her bizarrely fascinating, even though I pretty much despise everything she stands for." Despite their political differences, Elliott admits to a bit of a crush on the Alaska governor. He began painting her smile and trademark glasses, he said, before filling in the details: a gun, red high heels, polar bear rug, rugged Alaska landscape and a scared moose. His daughter, who looks a little like Palin and does a great impression of her, served as model for the governor's body.Since Elliott, 68, hung the portrait Thursday, it's been a steady draw at the dive bar, which is a popular spot for Second City comedians to grab beers and play pinball after shows. But after the image hit the Internet on Monday, interest exploded."We got a bunch of people in tonight," Elliott said. " They're coming to take pictures with their camera phones. The photo is all over the place."
... Okay, I'll get back to the primary point of this post in just a second, but first, there was one line that wound up being a bit of a ... mental speed-bump for me, as I was reading this, and let's see if you all can guess which one that was: His daughter [...] served as model for the governor's body.His daughter [...] served as model for the governor's body.His daughter [...] served as model for the governor's body.... ... ... ... Yeah, anyway ... if you want to see an uncensored photo of the painting, at least one has already been posted on Flikr: It's not safe for work, but ... it's also not that good.My take? It looks like what happens the first time a horny boy tries to erase the clothes on a female character in a comic book, and then draws in nipples and bush based on what he's seen in porn magazines. Add to that the fact that the facial likeness looks less like Sarah Palin and more like Peggy Hill from King of the Hill, and this shit wouldn't even fly on deviantART (well, not unless the artist also turned Palin into a furry futa, in which case, everyone else on the site would be fapping like mad over it instead, but I digress, yet the fuck again). ALL I ASK FOR IS SOME FRICKIN' SHARKS WITH FRICKIN' LASER-BEAMS ATTACHED TO THEIR HEADS WELL-DONE PALIN PORN. RULE 34 IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO SUSTAIN ITSELF. THAT'S THE ENTIRE FUCKING POINT OF IT, GODDAMMIT. IF I CAN'T TRUST THE INTERNET TO SUPPLY ME WITH A STEADY STREAM OF AT LEAST SEMI-SATISFYING PORNOGRAPHY, THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS IT GOOD FOR, ANYWAY?
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Oct 1, 2008 17:42:10 GMT -8
From Craigslist:
NEED SARAH PALIN LOOKALIKE ASAP FOR ADULT FILM (LA) Date: 2008-09-10, 8:20PM PDT Looking for a Sarah Palin lookalike for an adult film to be shot in next 10 days. Major adult studio. Please send pix, stats etc. ASAP Pay: $2000-3000 No anal required - Location: LA
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
- Compensation: $2000-3000
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY PATHOLOGICAL OBSESSION WITH PORNOGRAPHY PROVES EERILY PRESCIENT IN PREDICTING CULTURAL TRENDS I AM PORN-OMNISCIENT
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Oct 3, 2008 21:34:56 GMT -8
From Craigslist:
NEED SARAH PALIN LOOKALIKE ASAP FOR ADULT FILM (LA) Date: 2008-09-10, 8:20PM PDT Looking for a Sarah Palin lookalike for an adult film to be shot in next 10 days. Major adult studio. Please send pix, stats etc. ASAP Pay: $2000-3000 No anal required - Location: LA
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
- Compensation: $2000-3000
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY PATHOLOGICAL OBSESSION WITH PORNOGRAPHY PROVES EERILY PRESCIENT IN PREDICTING CULTURAL TRENDS I AM PORN-OMNISCIENT So, guess who was behind this. Come on, just guess. GUESS, DAMN YOU, YOU STUPID DUMB FUCKHOLES!!! Ahem. In case you were wondering, the correct answer would be LARRY MOTHERFUCKING FLYNT, BITCHES: NY Daily News - Larry Flynt is Hustling up an Ala-skin flick with Sarah Palin look-alikeAlaska Gov. Sarah Palin and Hustler founder Larry Flynt Larry Flynt is using the power of porn to express his views on Sarah Palin. The Hustler founder and freedom of speech advocate has produced an X-rated movie using an adult-film actress who resembles the Republican vice presidential candidate. Flynt's producers posted an anonymous help-wanted ad on Craigslist in L.A. just days after the Republican convention. "Looking for a Sarah Palin look-alike," read the ad, "for an adult film to be shot in the next 10 days." The actress would be paid $3,000 for the part, said the ad. No, it's not Tina Fey. Flynt's spokesman David Carrillo confirmed to us yesterday that the film has been shot by Hustler Video, but he wouldn't yet reveal the title. They need only consult bloggers from humorist Mo Rocca to Choire Sicha at Radar, who upon discovery of the ad came up with such gems as "Juneau You Want It" and "Northern Xxxposure." The iconoclastic publisher, who was portrayed by Woody Harrelson in the movie "The People vs. Larry Flynt," has never hidden his liberal views. In his 2005 book "Sex, Lies and Politics: The Naked Truth," he eviscerated the Bush administration for what he saw as its violations of U.S. freedoms guaranteed under the Bill of Rights. Gov. Palin's spokesman could not be reached by deadline.
But WAIT! There's MORE: TMZ - "Nailin' Paylin"Sarah Palin is officially a legend! Hustler Video is shooting a porn with a look-alike titled "Nailin' Paylin." The spelling is sic and so is Hustler. You betcha! The faux Sarah is Lisa Ann, who "will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door." In another scene -- a flashback -- "young Paylin's creationist college professor will explain a 'big bang' theory even she can't deny!" There's also a threeway with Hillary and Condoleezza look-alikes. The video is in pre-production, but is being fast tracked for release before the election.
HOLY SHIT LISA ANNSHE'S THE STAR OF COUNTLESS MILF AND COUGAR PORN FILMS IN WHICH SHE PLAYS UPTIGHT AND BUSINESS-MINDED BUT SECRETLY SLUTTY AND DESPERATELY LONELY WIVES AND MOMS WHO CRAVE HOT YOUNG COCK WITH A THIRST THAT CANNOT BE QUENCHED I'VE SEEN HER WITH HER HAIR DONE UP AND WEARING GLASSES AND BUSINESS SUITS AND I AM NOW ASHAMED THAT I DID NOT THINK OF THIS CASTING CHOICE MYSELF BECAUSE SHE IS PERFECT FOR IT AND I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF HER BODY OF WORK FOR YEARS GOD BLESS YOU LARRY CLAXTON FLYNT LIKE G.I. JOE YOU ARE A REAL AMERICAN HERO AND LIKE DEPECHE MODE YOU ARE MY PERSONAL JESUS YOU ARE MY ULTIMATE ROLE MODEL FOR ME ON HOW TO LIVE ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE ... Ahem. Anyway.
|
|
|
Post by temporis on Oct 3, 2008 22:49:13 GMT -8
Why did Larry Flynt need to solicit his star on frickin' CRAIGSLIST? Doesn't he have everyone in porn on speed-dial?
|
|
|
Post by Anders on Oct 3, 2008 23:33:43 GMT -8
Publicity?
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Oct 3, 2008 23:52:44 GMT -8
I think Anders just nailed it. Even before his subsequent official announcement of the film, the Craigslist ad guaranteed this film would be mentioned on every political blog in the country, right at the one time when everyone is reading them all the most. Other media moguls are attention whores, but Larry Flynt goddamn near INVENTED it in its modern practice, and with this stunt, he proved that he knows EXACTLY how the Internet works, because he just gave himself a million dollars' worth of free viral advertising online. Ladies and gentlemen, Larry Flynt just RickRolled everyone who's een following American politics.
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Oct 7, 2008 1:06:27 GMT -8
I swear, Larry Flynt must be reading my mind, because he made the casting call that I've been recommending since all the way back in the primary season: TMZ - Nina Puts the Rod in RodhamSarah Palin ain't the only woman in D.C. who's getting her own porn-alike. We've learned veteran adult film star Nina Hartley has been cast as Hillary Clinton in Hustler's parody porno, "Nailin' Paylin." Hil is often chided for having a stick up her ass. Nina Hartley, on the other hand ...
For those of you who aren't familiar with her *ahem* body of work, Nina Hartley is teh most awesumest pr0n star evar. A 49-year-old sex-positive feminist who started stripping in 1982 and started doing porn films in 1984, she's made 753 porn films, many of them as both an actress and a director, and in recent years, she's become both a sex educator and the reigning queen of MILF porn. Not only has she remained one of the most beautiful women, and one of the most outspoken progressive activists, in the porn industry, but she's also got a brain to rival that of fellow porn performer and certified MENSA member Asia Carrera. She is, in short, Made Of Win, and I love her with both my mind AND my wiener. But will we be able to say the same of this movie? If its script is anything to go by, you all can judge for yourselves: Radar Online - Exclusive First Look: The Sarah Palin Porn FlickSo the company that placed an ad on Craigslist seeking a Sarah Palin lookalike for a porn shoot? Hustler! A spokesperson for founder Larry Flynt confirms that the film has already been shot, but wouldn't release the name. Flynt did, however, provide Radar with a copy of the script. (For what it's worth, the working title appears to be Riding Pipeline.) Here's the first scene. [CAUTION: GRAPHIC CONTENT] ( Open on the PALIN residence, Wasilla, Alaska. Evening. Governor SARAH PALIN is sitting on the couch, reading "all of the magazines." She is wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers. Her luxurious brown hair is in a bun. Her glasses rest just so on the bridge of her nose. TODD is out of town on business. TRIGG is peacefully asleep upstairs. There is a firm knock at the door. PALIN puts down her reading material and goes to answer it.) PALIN: Who is it? GRUFF MALE VOICE: It's JOE, the tanning-bed repairman. ( PALIN unlocks the door and opens it) PALIN: Hiya! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, doncha know? JOE: I'm sorry. My snowmobile broke down outside of Matunska. I had to walk the rest of the way. PALIN: Well, you're in luck. I just baked a batch of chocolate-chip cookies. Why don't you come inside and I'll fix you a plate of 'em? ( JOE obliges. He takes a seat on the couch. PALIN enters the kitchen and returns shortly after with the cookies. She gives them to JOE, but not before looking him up and down.) PALIN: My oh my. That's quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy. JOE: I have a big hammer. PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America's diverse tools, big and small. They're what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya. ( PALIN takes a seat on the coach beside JOE and starts to undo his belt. He stops her.) JOE: Let's go take a look at the tanning bed first. PALIN: Oooh, okay. ( PALIN leads JOE to the tanning salon in the basement. JOE carefully inspects the machine.) JOE: Looks like there are just a bunch of screws loose. PALIN: ( seductively) You're in luck. I fully support off-shore and on-shore drilling. ( PALIN pounces on JOE and throws him onto the top of the tanning bed. She quickly rips off his jeans.) PALIN: God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya! JOE: I'm bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives? PALIN: It's okay. I already took a morning-after pill. JOE: Um, are you sure it works that way? PALIN: Are you asking me if I know what a morning-after pill is? Because I totally do! I'll get back to ya with specifics. ( The two proceed to make furious love in a multitude of positions. PALIN amply demonstrates that she has enough experience.) PALIN: Fuck me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can't even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE! ( After 10 minutes, the two finish.) PALIN: Wow-eee. I haven't had a ride that good since Todd took me for a spin on the back of his Yamaha at the Tesoro Iron Dog. JOE: That was amazing. What now? PALIN: I feel so alive! Let's grab my gay friend and go shoot wolves from the safety of a helicopter. ( End scene)
Okay, so, no, it's not David Mamet, but goddamn, if they're going to delve deep enough into ALL of Palin's scandals that they can devote an entire scene to her tanning bed, this film is going to be an unparalleled masterpiece of character assassination on Flynt's part, even more so than his EPIC IRL TROLL of Jerry Falwell. I can't wait. Oh, and I'm calling it right now - either Vanessa Blue or Jada Fire will be cast as Condoleezza Rice.
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Oct 7, 2008 23:14:15 GMT -8
I somehow missed this in my earlier coverage of this vitally important news story: AVN - Hustler Reveals Details of Palin Porn FlickHustler Video has cast Lisa Ann as Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin in a porn spoof called Nailin' Paylin. Word of the latest political parody from Larry Flynt and company spread earlier today after the New York Daily News printed a rumor that Hustler was seeking Palin lookalikes on Craigslist. Hustler Video denied any connection with the ad but confirmed the Palin parody is in the works. " Nailin’ Paylin will take the viewer on a naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor," the company announced in a press release. "Sara Paylin will not only be showing us some girl-on-girl lovin’ but will also be nailing the Russians, who come knocking on her back-door (wink, wink) and in a flashback, young Paylin’s creationist college professor will explain a 'big bang' theory even she can’t deny!" One scene will show the Palin character in a lesbian threesome with characters based on Hillary Clinton and Condoleezza Rice. The movie will also feature a Bill O’Reilly character as the announcer who dishes dirt on the Paylin sex scandals."Obviously, the real life antics of Sarah Palin are much funnier than anything we could ever make up," Hustler exec Jeff Thill told AVN. "Her public appearances seem more like a trailer for a Farrelly brothers film then a carefully executed run at the White House."Jerry T. is signed to direct. Hustler plans to have Nailin' Paylin on the streets in time for the November election.
I'm calling it right now - loofahs and falafels will figure heavily into this script.
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Oct 9, 2008 16:57:08 GMT -8
Hustler's Sarah Palin pr0n film: THE FULL UNABRIDGED SCRIPT TMZ - Get a Load of This! "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" ScriptTMZ got its mits on the entire script for Hustler's upcoming porn parody: "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" Uber MILF Lisa Ann will be steaming it up with a certain snowmobile salesman and a bipartisan pundit named "Hilly" who's, well, just plain bi. The film shoots this weekend, just in time for the election. Does it promise to deliver the goods? You betcha!
GOD BLESS YOU, LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR, FOR FINALLY BECOMING BIPARTISAN ENOUGH TO COUNTER THE OTHER SIDE'S BAD NOISE WITH SOME NO- HOLDSHOLES-BARRED CHARACTER ASSASSINATION ON OUR BEHALF WELCOME TO THE NEW MILLENNIUM'S BAR OF STANDARDS FOR AMERICAN POLITICAL DISCOURSE, BITCHES
|
|
|
Post by K-Box on Oct 10, 2008 15:30:38 GMT -8
I'd just like to kick off this post by saying that I FUCKING CALLED IT, BITCHES: ME on Oct. 6: "I'm calling it right now - either Vanessa Blue or JADA FIRE WILL BE CAST AS CONDOLEEZZA RICE." From Larry Flynt's HustlerWorld News + Gossip blog on Oct. 9: The Script of Who's Nailin' Paylin?Are you as excited about Who's Nailin' Paylin? as we are? I hope so. With Lisa Ann as the country's hottest governor, Nina Hartley as Hillary Clinton, JADA FIRE AS CONDOLEEZZA RICE, and Sindee Jennings as the "Young Paylin," what's there not to like? So if you can't wait to see these babes get their rocks off on camera, here is the script to satiate your degenerate mind. Continue reading "The Script of Who's Nailin' Paylin?" » An Oct. 3 post on HustlerWorld notes that Who's Nailin' Paylin? will feature five hardcore scenes, including the one devoted to Lisa's three-way with Nina as Hillary and Jada as Condi, while an Oct. 8 post on Wifey Talk claims that Mike Horner has been cast in the Bill O'Reilly role. Astute masturbators might recall that Jada Fire has already played Condoleezza Rice at least once before, in the sixth and final scene of 2007's Spunk'd: The Movie, opposite Herschel Savage as George W. Bush and Dick Nasty as Dick Cheney. And for those who wish there was more gender equity in political pr0n? HUSTLER Video spoofs the Spitzer story with Gov Love!Leave it our fearless founder founder Larry Flynt to come up with the idea to release the first porn movie inspired by the exploits of disgraced New York governor Eliot Spitzer. Hustler Video spun the Spitzer scandal into a new movie called Gov Love: The Eliot Splitz-Her Story. Veteran porn actor Mike Horner [my note: yes, that's right - the same guy who's playing Bill O'Reilly in "Who's Nailin' Paylin?"] plays the title role of "Client 69" opposite Cassandra Cruz as his call-girl mistress Kristen. " This movie parody is an example of one of the reasons I went to the Supreme Court in 1988 - to make parody protected speech," said Flynt. The movie follows as such: Splitz-Her agrees to fork over thousands for an all-expense-paid trip so that his mistress, Kristen, can meet him in Washington, D.C. Kristen, played by Cassandra Cruz, arrives at the governor's hotel to find him eagerly awaiting her arrival. Watch as the governor reveals his overzealous sex drive and gets sucked and fucked by his sexy mistress. "Client 69" is under the impression that he is going to get away with his sexcapade, but little does he know there are FBI agents on a stakeout in the next room. The agents, played by Van Damage and Veronica Jett, are so incredibly turned on by what they are overhearing in the governor's room that they decide to have some fun of their own. Directed by Stuart Canterbury, Gov Love also stars Dino Bravo, Kayla Paige, Marcus London, Angela Stone, Emma Heart and Kissy Kapri. Hustler previously hired Canterbury to direct a parody of the Kobe Bryant sex scandal, Tobey Bryan's Backcourt Violation.
|
|