The SEX Trek thread ...

[K-Box]

... Because, really, threads like this are why this forum was created.

Star Trek is heading toward the final frontier of mass-media overexposure, and we all knew Larry Flynt would be sitting in the captain's chair of this creative enterprise:


Goddamn, but is Jada Fire the ONLY black woman working for Hustler Video now?

Because between hiring her to play Uhura in this, and already having hired her to play Condoleezza Rice in Who's Nailin' Paylin?, I'm starting to think that Larry just said, "You know what? Fuck it; ever since Vanessa Blue went into semi-retirement, Jada's the only black chick I even need to bother calling for these jobs anymore, especially for my porn parodies."

Not that I ever mind seeing more of Jada, because, you know, goddamn, just LOOK at her, but there ARE other hot black girls in porn, Larry.

That being said, Jada's a much better fit for Uhura than she was for Condi, and indeed, having just downloaded this flick for free online, I'm impressed, not just by how well-cast it is (Evan Stone as William Shatner FTW!), but also by how exhaustively it references the source material.

Just to give you some idea of what I mean, Who's Nailin' Paylin? contained five sex scenes - Palin/Russian troops, Palin's husband/her assistant, Palin/her husband's business partner, young!Palin/her college professor, and Palin/Hillary/Condi - and it ran just under an hour and 45 minutes, even with a script that was littered with references to the 2008 presidential campaign.

By contrast, This Ain't Star Trek contains the same number of sex scenes - Spock/alien girl, Khan/female Starfleet officer, Kirk/Vulcan girl, Bones/Nurse Chapel, and Kirk/Uhura/Spock - but its run time is an hour and 58 minutes, and all of that extra time is devoted to exposition that homages the original Star Trek series so exhaustively that it almost feels like an (admittedly low-budget, badly-acted) attempt at reviving the franchise, rather than an exploitative satire of the same.

I mean, for fuck's sake, the flick starts out by having the faux-Enterprise crew discovering and boarding the SS Botany Bay (yes, it's even identified as such), and then goes on to recreate the romantic relationship between Khan and Lt. McGivers in "Space Seed," right down to giving her porn counterpart the exact same name (at the very least, somebody actually bothered to Wikipedia these details while they were writing the script for this flick).

This is an impressive achievement in porn parody, and between this and Who's Nailin' Paylin?, we're rapidly approaching a watershed, when pornographic satires will actually manage to be more intelligent and well-produced than those aspects of popular culture that they're parodying.

In other words, Larry Flynt is nudging us ever closer to the moment when reality itself will finally Jump The Shark (and suck its cock).

[K-Box]

It's not easy being green: Showing love for the most underrated character in the new Star Trek flick, because goddammit, Gaila of Orion is so cool, in such subtle ways, that I suspect even the writers who created her don't see how much win is hidden under her (admittedly already revealing) green-skinned surface.



So, while her species was never named onscreen, we know from production materials for the film that Gaila is an Orion, and as a female member of that species, there's a strong temptation to say that we all know what THAT means. And to be fair, given Uhura's comments about how often her roommate tended to bring guys back to their place for sex, there seems to be at least some amount of truth to the stereotypes.

Given the speculation, on the part of one of the movie's screenwriters, that Gaila could be an ESCAPED Orion slave girl, there's some question as to how much of the continuity about Orion slave girls, specifically as established by the Star Trek: Enterprise episode "Bound," is still canon in the new movie (especially since the new movie gave a nod to Star Trek: Enterprise by having Scotty get in trouble for losing track of Admiral Archer's pet beagle in a transporter experiment).

Now, my LJ friend seriousfic and I have already debated the merits of the original series portrayals, in which Orion slave girls were rather obviously intended to be exactly as they were described, versus the Star Trek: Enterprise retcon, in which Orion "slave girls" were actually themselves the enslavers, and secretly in charge of the Orion Syndicate. seriousfic's position is that anything which negates the canonicity of Star Trek: Enterprise is an automatic good. This is an argument that's very tempting to endorse, but I still prefer for Orion slave girls to be the true, hidden masters of their society, simply because it allows the new movie's continuity the potential to revel in all the Barsoom tropes traditionally ascribed to Orion slave girls, without relying on what essentially amounts to a Gorean scenario for straight male fanservice.

Either way, though, whether Gaila really was a slave, or she merely called herself a slave while actually wielding significant societal power, the fact remains that she was brought up in a culture with rigidly defined gender roles that reduced all women to the sum total of their sex. After all, whether Orion women were made commodities because of their sex, or they were instead able to exert the influence of de facto rulers because of their sex, they were still defined exclusively by their sex.

Think about the implications of such an upbringing, as you additionally consider the fact that Gaila is the ONLY female Orion we've EVER seen wearing a Starfleet uniform, with a cadet rank or otherwise. As sexist as modern human society is, think about what it would be like, to be a woman who was raised in a society where ALL women were deemed "slaves," and basically expected to live their lives between their legs. Think about how BADASS you'd have to be, to get past that deeply ingrained cultural conditioning enough to APPLY to Starfleet Academy, much less get ACCEPTED.

I've seen a lot of fans slag off on Gaila, because of her one onscreen scene with Kirk, but the simple fact that she's THERE AT ALL shows how smart and strong she is, and the assumptions I've seen posted online, by both male and female fans, that she's either dumb or weak, just because she actively engages in casual sex? SHAME ON YOU, FANDOM.

So, let's look at what we know about Gaila, beyond just her libido, and let's use that to infer some semi-defensible fanon about her background. We know she's Uhura's roommate at Starfleet Academy, and since we've seen that Starfleet tends to group similar personnel together, this could imply that Gaila is literally a redshirt redskirt, a supposition which is further supported by the screenwriters stating that she worked in the computer lab (which was at least part of the reason why Kirk hooked up with her, since he knew that he could gain access to the Kobayashi Maru simulation through her).

Aesthetically, I find this uniform alternative appealing, because operations division red makes for a more striking contrast to Gaila's green skin, and highlights her red hair in a more complimentary fashion, than either sciences division blue or command division gold. In terms of her character, though, I don't exactly see her as a techie, and besides, she needs a rate that's specialized enough to set her apart from both Scotty and Uhura's functions on the ship.

Which is where Gaila's background as an Orion slave girl comes into play, because when your society trains you in the ways of "pleasing men," so well that the women of your species gain an epic reputation for your skill at doing so, regardless of the race of the men in question, this almost necessarily connotes some affinity for reading both personality and cultural cues. If we hadn't already settled on operations as Gaila's division, I'd strongly consider issuing her a blue uniform and assigning her a proto-Troi role as ship's counselor (in spite of the problematic likelihood that she'd see no ethical issues in sleeping with her patients, thanks to the same lingering Orion cultural mores that have led her to be more sexually active than even enlightened humans of the future consider to be "normal").

As alternatives, then, I'd suggest that Gaila could serve as a sociologist, or perhaps even an anthropologist (or, more accurately, a "xenologist") for Starfleet. Such specialties are closely related enough to communications that Gaila and Uhura could be study-buddies, which would give them an additional reason to be roommates (in spite of their very different lifestyles), and the fact that both sociology and anthropoxenology are scientific fields of research could also lead Gaila to interact with Spock in the sciences division (hey, maybe Gaila even helped Spock and Uhura hook up).

The best part is that, if it's done right, Gaila can be a clever, curious, compelling character AND a super-sexed vehicle for fanservice. She's the gal who beams down to the planet's surface with the rest of the landing party, showing her ass in her long-sleeved one-piece high-hemline red mini-dress with the open neckline, and if any of the native lifeforms approach her with offers of "close encounters" (as long as they're cute enough to meet her standards) ... well, she's certainly not going to pass up any opportunities to boldly go where no green-skinned woman has gone before.

Of course, once she's back on board ship, her unique insights on what those aliens are actually like, when they let their guard down, will show what a mistake it is for anyone to underestimate how perceptive she is. It wouldn't make her any more of a "slut" or a "whore" than Kirk was on the original series, when any number of that show's plots, and that Enterprise crew's plans, hinged on Kirk's ability to conquer the opposition with his penis.

Oh, and as for the Kobayashi Maru simulation? My fanon is that, as soon as Gaila received that e-mail from Kirk, she KNEW it contained a virus, that would install a cheat code to allow him to beat the scenario (as if someone living 250 years in the future wouldn't have the equivalent of McAfee or Norton automatically running on their inboxes), but she deliberately let him get away with it anyway. Given the stereotypes regarding female Orions, she knew that everyone at Starfleet Academy would just assume that she was too much of a ditz to scan for Trojans, and she also knew that the boldness of Kirk's cheat code would mean that, even though he'd get away with it in the sim, he'd still have to explain himself to Starfleet Academy.

Gaila was pissed at Kirk for playing her, but still slightly charmed by how cocky he was, so whether he was punished or rewarded for his actions later, she'd be able to help make that happen, by letting his virus infect the computers running the sim. You can ask her about it yourself, since she was assigned to the Enterprise, and still pulls casual hook-ups with Kirk on the DL every now and again, although she did give him hell, the first time they got back together, after his final time taking the Kobayashi Maru.

What she won't tell anyone is that she became a fan of the Beastie Boys after she and Kirk had sex to their songs enough times. She was impressed that an Iowa farmboy would have an ear for such Classical Terran music, and the first time they fucked, "Intergalactic" was playing in the background.



GODDAMMIT WHY IS THIS THE ONLY PICTURE I CAN FIND OF THIS CHARACTER ONLINE

[jasonlatta]

I am such a nerd that when I watched the film I initially wondered if Kirk was fucking She-Hulk.

So, we can now expect the Shulkie movie in 2011.